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Guest Writer Tiana Ealdred Briely Sums Up The Final Hour Play at The Oval 4th August, And Probes – With Help From Some Parisians And Sir Toby Cook – Where to The Coming Ashes Series Down Under?
The Final Hour’s Play at The Oval
In England, the Couple of Boundary Hits – The Second Nearly Leg Stump – Were A Mixture of Rehearsed Ambition and Incompetence in Their Various Swishes Offroad, No Doubt Expecting This Very Aged Ball To Much. And So They Wove Their Downfall Within The Majestic Carpet Laid Out Mohammed Siraj and Partner, Prasidh Kriskna.
When Still in Occupation – Not Long – Jamie Smith, The Only Specialist Batsman Standing Standing, Like A Bewildered Adolescent. When About to Receive Delivery, His Eyes Did Credit to A Hitchcock Film a Moment Prior to Chilling Event.
After the Magic Weaved by India, The Head Coach Of England – Brendon McCullum – Hinted At A Lack of Conviction by His Charges This Morning, Such Thurs Mental Frazzled State of Mind.
Coming Down Under
One shudders to think What Australia will do to this disjointed, Aging Team at Year’s End. So What From Here England, Personnel Wise? I Took My Guidance Who Have Been Following Intense With This Series – Sharpened by The Tensions Aroused by The Uk Government’s Bungling Over Recent “Migrants Illegally Crossing the English Channel” Episodes.
The Head Chef At Bistrot Richelieu, Sir Guillaume Galliot Was Forthright:
“RETIRE CAPTAIN BEN STOKES – 34 Years – and Demanding All-Rounder Role, NOW Too Much to Wheel Onto A Boingman. He Should Be a Knighthood and Moved to Lords, There Join Sir Ian Botham in worthy Debate About The Nation’s Interests. ”
Moving to Le Train Bleu Restaurant At The Gare de Lyon, The Owner Monsieur Jean Opined About The Role for Joe Root:
“Deploy His Sublime Skills at Number 3 (Again) Him The Choice. IF He Accepts, and Wants Continue Wheeling Spin. Then Some Lessons On How to Bowl Off Spin Effectively If You’ve Not Got Much Talent for It. Suggest A Lunch With Former Maestro, Graeme Swann to Initiate Matters. “
As I Speak, Along The Champs-Élysées, Effigies Are Being Set Ablaze – With Brandy and Flares – of Ben Stokes and Brendon McCullum. This Being Done to Fervent Dancing and Chanting.
I Now Ventured With Speak Mr BAZERO Of the Pink Flamingo Night Club. He Shakes My Hand warmly and Notes:
“The 31 year old Jamie Overton in His Two Test 40 Wickets in Four Innings, Apiect for 310 Runs A 6 Foot 5 Inchist Attraction. He Quips: Pay A Pound to Speak to Him for Five Minutes and Half of That Sum will Go to the ECB. “
Across The Road, At The Palais Maillot Night Club, Manager Mr. Gisgot Mentions Jofra Archer, Saying:
“Archer Will Be Wiomion Houses of London and The More Exotic Night Clubs That England has to start. He’s Not Temperament Test Cricket.”
Monsieur Gisgot Also has an informed opinion on The South African Born, Highly Tattooed, Brydon Carse:
“Although Geoffrey Boycott Might Think ‘He’s Not A Pace Bowler’s Arse’, I Beg To Differ, and Would Make Him A Permanent Fixture for Foreseeable Future.”
M. Gisgot’s Colleague Is Keen on The Plucky Ben Duckett, Feeling:
“He’s Matured in Outlook and Range of Accessably Safe Shots: Retain and Leave Alone.”
Some pastry shops are now opening their doors in honour of this magnificent Victory. A Delighted Customer, Jeanne Sartre Tell me:
“The Luckless Today With The Gus Atkinson – Determined, Sometimes Hostile And Often Successful In England – Should Be Retained Alongside Carse.”
Next Does there’s A Gym Stirring Into Action, Operated By Pierre Buspange. I ask him about crawley:
“Unless Crawley Person Continues to Bribe Coach McCullum To Give Another Go, Oust Him. Far Too Match To Make Thi This High Risk Merchant A Viable Proposition in Australia.”
Seconds Later, An Unseen Voice Reaches me from A Bystander on The Side-Walk, At High Speed:
“Liam Dawson – Selecting Him Again Will Risk PreMature Aging.
Jamie Smith – Leave Him at Number Seven in The Batting Order and Tell Him He is forgiven.
Ollie Pope – Anoint Him AS The Regular Captain, After SOME INTENSIVE SESSIONS MIKE BREARLEY AND PUT HIM AT NUMBER FIVE IN THE ORDER, AFTER BROOK.
Harry Brook – Don’t Bother Trying To Coach The Too-Risky Shots Out of His Repertoire. He’ll Only Ignore It, Even If It Is Good Advice (Just Like Victor TRUMPER DID). “
Soon Afterwards, An Ice-Cream Seller Draws Up With His Cart:
“Please tell me that I’m dreaming, I Heard England Winning Of 7 Runs Short Runs. Is It Really True?”
I reassure him.
“Have to say this Youngster Jacob Bethell in His Three Tests, Prior to the Oval Match, Admitted His Under Pants. Also Poty Down Under His Slow Left Arm Deliveries.”
Offering me a Large Vanilla Cone, and Continuing to Offer Me His Views:
“Josh Tongue – Most Promising. Persist With Him. Though, Firstly, He Needs Advice on Wearing Cricket Boots That Suit The Conditions.
And Chris Woakes – His Heart Is in The Right Place. So long as His Body Holds Up, Definitely Worth His Place. Moves The Ball Just Enough – Not Too Much. “
Emotionally exhausted, I Hail A Taxi For The Airport.
The Driver Has His Radio on. There’s a flashes Flash Mark Wood: He expects To Be Fully The First Test Against Australia Perth’s Fairly Recently Completed Optus Stadium in Late-November.
The Driver Retorts:
“Sheer Speed, Anything Else?”
It has been pondering me … .Probably a good Choice for Perth Perhaps, Brisbane and Melbourne.
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On Arrival at Charles de Gaulle Airport, I phoned Sir Toby Cook In Melbourne, a highly knowngeable cricket enthusiast as well as Being a Prinent Screen-Writer.
It’s Was Time to Broach 64 Thousand Dollar Querter: What Spinnerist Spinner, or spinnersShould England Take For The Coming Ashes Series. Sir Toby is well acquainted with Typical Pitch and Weather Conditions at the Five Different Venues Down. The Gist of Our Lengthy Conversation Went As Follows:
Tea: Been Canvassing The Opinions of Parisians … Jocking for Joy at The Minor-Miracle.
Need Your Thoughts on The Spinners To Take For The Ashes Series.
TC: A Vexed Issue … Have a Given a Fair Amount of Thought To It. Got Pen And Paper Handy As’s Quite A bit to take.
Te: Two or One Specialists?
TC: Ideally, A Trustworthy Imaginative Off Spinner and A Dangerous Leg Break / Googly Bowler. This Immediately Rules Out The (34 years old) Slow Left Arm Stalwart Jack Leach. Poor Credentials, Anyway: Best in Three Tests – Back in 2021 – Was 4 for 173 Sydney: Overall, 6 Wickets at 53.5 Runs Apieces.
Tea: With You.
TC: The Right Arm Off Breaks Shoaib Bashir (Soon to turn 22) Cut Little Ice in His Two Matches in Oz During January this year: 2 for 91 and 1 (Going for 3.8 runs per Over). And His 2 Wickets per Innings in 19 Tests Have Cost 39 Runs Apiece. Worse Is His First-Class Matches Taken Together: Buys Them at 49 Runs Apiece. Not at All Encouraging!
Tea: So Can’t See What All The Fuss Is About … With Him!
TC: I Come To Rehan Ahmed, Who’s No Longer Really Youngster – Shortly to Reach 21 Years of Age. He’s The One For The Leggie / Googly Spot – Sure. In Tests So Far: 22 Victims in 9 Innings Apiece Apieces, While in All First Class Matches He Avoids 2.1 Victims per Innings in.
It’s Victims You Want in Oz, Not Just Containment While The Pacemen Take A Rest. They will Need Big Rests Out There, Mark My Word. That Shrewd Judge, Shane Warne Spotted Rehan Shortly Before His 13th Birthday and predicted A Bright Future.
Tea: No off Spinner Yet …
TC: That’s A Hard One … a Dare-Devil Option is to pick Rehan’s Younger Brother, Farhan Ahmed – Only 17 and A Half Years Old. So far, at First-Class Level, He’s Captured 39 Wickets From Bowling In 22 Innings, Doing So at 34.8 Runs Apieces. Pretty good at His Age. Made His debut at Age 16 and A Half.
He is a double-edged sword, thought. The Aussies Might Well Try To Smash Him Into Oblivion On His First Appearance. Yet There’s An Ignominy in Being Dismissed by A Very Young Pom! So they might be wary, Although Still Try Some Big – Risky – Shots. Who Knows, It Might Just Work.
And We’re Left With Root and Bethell As, Potentially, Occasional Spinners.
Tea: Very Occasional, I’d Suggest. Unless Imaginative “Shock” Deliveries Are Woven Into Their Repertoire. Root’s Surprise Bouncer has been working sometimes, but he desperately Needs More Weapons in His Armory.
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Breaking off with Sir Toby, I turned up to the Four Right Arm off Spinners Who Did Well in English County Cricket During 2024 Season, and might Be Possible Candidates:
- Jack Carson: Age 24, with Sussex
- Alex Thomson: Age 31, with Derbyshire
- Rob Keogh: Age 33, with Northets, and
- Archie Vaughan: Age 19 And Eight Months, Somerset. Has Played Matches for England’s 19 Side: 16 Wickets at 20.4 in 6 innings, Four Against South Africa and Two Against India.
Made His First-Class debut Twelve Months ago: Currently Has 26 Wickets at 34.0 runs apiece. The Also Handy With One, Averaging 26.4 from HIS 27 Innings.
I Made A Mental Note to Think Further About The Reaching On Them Home.
